I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.

The cross before me, the world behind me
The cross before me, the world behind me
no turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow
Though none go with me, still I will follow
no turning back, no turning back

I feel like I'm in a spiritual desert right now. Pastor Ed always says how lonely it can be sometimes pastoring and I can definitely relate to him. I can get so discouraged easily because I know that God is glorious and our worship of Him does not reflect that. I hate my sin, lukewarmness, cold-hard heart, and lack of gratitude for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't know what's going on in my spirit, but I have been crying out to God that he would deliver me from the season of dryness. I've been asking God to comfort me and be with me. I have knowledge of God, but I want to feel his presence with me. The lie that I'm constantly fighting is to settle for complacency, rather than EXCELLENCE. I want to be an athelete, running according to the rules, suffering for the gospel of God. There have been victories and there have been losses, but God is still faithful. I should not be like the Israelites, who in the wilderness, were grumbling and complaining to God. God was leading them through the wilderness to test them and see if they would follow the Lord with their whole hearts because God was going to lead them to the promised land. O Lord, please renew my spirit. I've been praying this for awhile, probably over a year now. I don't know if it is growing pains or my faith is being tried, but please deliver me from it. My soul is downcast. Renew me so I can praise you again. In Jesus Name, Amen.