"The man who has this heart puts out for Christ and His Church. He is willingly inconvenienced. He allows his comfort zone to be invaded. Sometimes he will work to the point of exhaustation" (100)

"Big hearts, the enlarged hearts that God uses, are laboring hearts which, though weary, will willing be expended as necessary...Ministering hearts are disciplined to labor, for they regularly move beyond their comfort zones, they put themselves in vulnerable spots, they make commitments which cost, they get tired for Christ's sake, they pay the price, they encounter rough seas. But their sails billow full of God's Spirit" (197)

"D.L. Mood's bedtime prayer on one occasion, as he rolled his bulk into bed, was, 'Lord, I'm tired! Amen." (197)

"Cultivate a small heart and life may be smooth sailing, but you will never experience the exhilaration of the wind of the Spirit in your sails." (201)-Disciplines of a Godly Man, Kent Hughs

Man, how I needed to hear this. I was laughing after reading D.L. Moody's prayer, "Lord, I'm tired, Amen!" I have many of those prayers. I'm so thankful that God uses tiredness and suffering to sanctify my soul. I can get so bitter sometimes and tell myself, "I deserve better!", but the reality is that I deserve God's judgment instead. Yet, God sent his Son to face my judgment that I might now become a child of God and labor for Him and His glorious Kingdom. I thought being tired was being a bad thing, and in some sense yes when one does not retreat; but even our Lord was wearied when he talked to the woman at the well in John 4. Despite his weariness, the Lord still ministered to a broken woman when HE was the one that needed to be served. Instead, the Lord serves the woman (Mark 10:45). True Greatness lies in servanthood, being incovienienced, and laboring for the the kingdom of God.

Father,
Give me a big heart. While you enlarge the pain, enlarge the joy. Help me endure.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

This weekend was a blessing. We started homeless ministry this saturday and it was a HUGE success. I was praying that God would lead us to the right people and he answered that! We saw homeless people at City Hall and gave them sac lunches. They were super friendly and directed us to Ganisha park where more homeless people stay. At Ganisha Park, we continued to pass out food and bless the people there. There is even an amphitheater there! So I was thinking we can start doing homeless ministry more consistently, bless the people there, and even start developing relationships with the people so that we can share the Word of God with them! I'm so glad that we get to apply the Word in this area in helping the oppressed.

Sunday service was a blessing. Pastor Sam preached on the sufficiency, power, and wisdom of Christ in healing Jairus daughter and the woman who touched his garments. Afterwards, I had small group meeting where we continued to discuss what it means to live on mission. Then went to Sierra View and I was blessed to have my lovely choir back me up in singing (i.e. Grandma and Monina) and taught on the seeking Savior and Zacchaeus in Luke 19, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the Lost."

The biggest blessing of the day was going to Tita Lilia's house and continuing vision casting for Amazing Grace Missions. We had good fellowship and new members added to the board. I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THIS PROJECT! "The Harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few." My dreams of the orphanage and the seminary are slowly acutalizing as we continue to plan, and my heart rejoices in the fact that I can be part of God's amazing mission to serve the oppressed, visit the orphan, clothed the naked, and bless less fortunate people! The Lord loves justice, mercy, and compassion. What does the Lord require of me? "He has told you, O Man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8)

Father in Heaven,
The devil is seeking to destroy me and my ministry. Please keep me from the Evil One. Help me be aware of his schemes and not fall for his lies and traps. Lord, you have great things in store for me. Keep me following the narrow way and lead me in the way everlasting. Help me flee from sin and distractions that keep me from looking unto you. God, help me. Teach me to number my days that I might get a heart of wisdom. Help me be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in your work knowing that my labor is not in vain.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

Lord, lift the darkness. Touch my heart and help me be captivated by the grace of Jesus once again. Take my burden. Taken my discouragements away. Renew my stength. I am weak. In Jesus Name, Amen.

"And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life would lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole wolrd and forfeit his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels" Mark 8:34-38

There will always be a crowd of uncommitted followers and committed followers in the same group. Jesus describes a true disciple in this passage: A person who counts EVERYTHING as loss for the sake of knowing the suprassing greatness of Christ and the power of his RESURRECTION and the FELLOWSHIP of his SUFFERINGS. Here we see an apparent contradiction: in losing your life, you find your life, and in trying to save your life, you lose it. Why will you lose your life if you try to save it?? Some people try to save their life by their careers, relationships, money, material things. However, these things do not satisfy at the end of the day. Therefore, they lose their life pursuing something that never quenches a thirsty heart. But those who lose their life and give up everything for Christ FIND it. I have tasted glimpses of this truth. I gave up paintball, the Lord led me to finish up my Master's Degree in Philosophy. I gave up my friends, the Lord gave me a church family who loves me. I gave up my money, the Lord gives me the opportunity to bless others. I gave up popularity, I learn true greatness lies in serving. I gave up my idols, I got the true God who loved me and gave himself for me. Why would I want to be satisfed in the things that never brought satisfication. Only Christ, the fountain of everlasting living waters, can satisfy my dry soul.

Lord,
Help me not be ashamed of your words in this unbelieving, sinful, and adulterous generation. Help me be faithful to you, unto death. Let me know that you are with me. I can do all things through you who strengthens me. Help me be captivated by your beauty once again Jesus. Amen.

I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.

The cross before me, the world behind me
The cross before me, the world behind me
no turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow
Though none go with me, still I will follow
no turning back, no turning back

I feel like I'm in a spiritual desert right now. Pastor Ed always says how lonely it can be sometimes pastoring and I can definitely relate to him. I can get so discouraged easily because I know that God is glorious and our worship of Him does not reflect that. I hate my sin, lukewarmness, cold-hard heart, and lack of gratitude for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't know what's going on in my spirit, but I have been crying out to God that he would deliver me from the season of dryness. I've been asking God to comfort me and be with me. I have knowledge of God, but I want to feel his presence with me. The lie that I'm constantly fighting is to settle for complacency, rather than EXCELLENCE. I want to be an athelete, running according to the rules, suffering for the gospel of God. There have been victories and there have been losses, but God is still faithful. I should not be like the Israelites, who in the wilderness, were grumbling and complaining to God. God was leading them through the wilderness to test them and see if they would follow the Lord with their whole hearts because God was going to lead them to the promised land. O Lord, please renew my spirit. I've been praying this for awhile, probably over a year now. I don't know if it is growing pains or my faith is being tried, but please deliver me from it. My soul is downcast. Renew me so I can praise you again. In Jesus Name, Amen.

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:1-5

This is the job description of a young pastor that Paul is writing to. I love the pastoral epistles because I can relate to Timothy's struggles. I could be so timid, fearful, weak, and discouraged so easily. But Paul exhorts his younger son in the faith to "preach the word." Paul places significant emphasis on the Word of God. The Word has the power to convict, rebuke, reproof, and exhort (2 Timothy 3:16). Preaching in our age right now is "out of season." People do not like to hear about judgment, sin, wrath, and God's holiness. And I am choosing to an "out of season" position! But God, give me grace to follow you, for "you have the words of eternal life." "I can do all things through Christ" who strengthens me. Remind me of your grace and your faithfulness. Help me see the upward call you have for me in Christ Jesus, the highest calling a human can ever receive. C.S. Lewis quoting Augustine said, "The Son of God became man that he might enable men to become Sons of God." Christ humbled himself in the form of servant found in human likeness to share in my weaknesses and give me grace when I need help. Paul also exhorts Timothy to "endure suffering" in the ministry. There is no doubt that there WILL BE SUFFERING in the ministry. We live in a fallen world with rebellious sinners who turn away from the truth. I am so fearful of the suffering that will come, I know that there will be dark times and seaons of discouragement. But remind me of the cross. Remind me that there is hope in suffering and you do this to refine me and be more like you. There is resurrection three days later. Help me be sober-minded, in my thoughts, actions, and lifestyle. Help me be discplined and self-controlled so that I might be an honorable vessel used for your glory that I might magnify your marvelous grace. In Jesus Name, Amen.

1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that you abstain from sexual immorality

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you

A Christian lives as a citizen of a heavenly kingdom, awaiting for the Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. To make my calling more sure and God's choice of me, I should be striving for holiness. Paul argues that one of the marks of a true Christian is that he knows how to control his body in a honorable manner, abstaining from all sexual immorailty. Paul also commands us to rejoice always. Why? The Lord Jesus Christ died for our sins and he is coming back again not to bring wrath, but salvation (1 Thessalonians 5:10-11). To give thanks in all circumstances means that a Christian should be putting on the "new man" reflecting the likeness of God and trusting God for his providence, blessings, and the coming glory that is to be revealed. Pray without ceasing refers to a constant communion with the heavenly Father, so that I might be sober-minded for the sake of my prayers. Father, help me be conformed to your will more and more. In Jesus Name, Amen.

"Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work." 2 Timothy 2:20-21

I want to be an honorable vessel used by the Lord. If I want to be the Lord's instrument, I have to seek holiness, righteousness, and purity. I think one of the Devil's lies is that he wants me to settle for mediocrity and the normal American Dream of comfort; rather than radical servanthood that lays down my life for the gospel. I KNOW God has great things in store, but I must constantly fight the temptation to settle for comfort and make lesser things ultimate things. I need to resolve to fight the good fight of faith and to flee youthful passions and pursue rightousness, faith, love, and peace (2 Timothy 2:22). I have seen so many in the church settle for a cold lukewarm faith. Their Christian life is so boring, rather than exciting. They think that all Christianity is just a sunday event rather than reaching the NATIONS with the GOSPEL of God. They think its about personal comfort, rather than cross bearing sacrificial love. I DON"T WANT TO LIVE A LIFE OF COMPLACENCY! I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY LIFE!

Father in Heaven,
Keep me from distractions. Keep me from sin. Keep me from foolishness. Not to us, but to your name be the glory. Help me be obedient to your will and grant me patience to fight the good fight of faith. As I wait for you, strengthen me and keep me from temptation and the Evil one. I want to be set apart and used by you. Give me a theology of beauty: that your are the most beautiful being that has ever crossed my mind. Help me see that your glorious, magnificent, all powerful, awesome, and wise beyond measure. Grant me to be faithful by your grace. Help me not settle for less, but strive to obtain excellence.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

For freedom Christ has set us free, stand firmtherefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery Galatians 5:1

But far be it from to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Galatians 6:14

In his epistle to the Galatians, the dominant theme that runs through this letter is the concept of freedom in Christ. Paul is defending the gospel: the death of Jesus for our sins and his resurrection. Because Christ has come to be our curse-bearer, we can have a new life in Christ. We are new creation. We no longer have to live trying to earn favor or acceptance before God. The Judaizers were trying to earn their acceptance with God by their Sabbath observances, rituals, and practicing circumcision. Even Peter and Barnabas were being led astray by false human religion. But Paul argues in Galatians 2, that a man is not justified by works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. We are sinners and we need a sinless substitute to take our place. It was love for God and love for us that Jesus Christ went to the cross. Paul says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, Christ died for no purpose" (Galatians 2:20-21). It is really important to see that slaves try to earn favor before God. On the other hand, children are heirs with Christ through God's promise to Abraham.

In short, the gospel is about salvation by grace alone while all other false religions try to promote salvation by works. In the gospel we boast in the work of Christ on the cross while in false religion we boast in ourselves because of our human effort. Praise God for the gospel and the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ who loved me and gave himself for me. Amen.

Mark 1:35
And rising early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and and went out to desolate place, and there he prayed.

I am learning how it is important in my ministry to retreat from ministry. When I am not happy in God, ministry becomes duty and I become weak. But when I am happy in God, in my alone time with him, I find strength to declare his marvelous grace. The Lord ministers to my heart first before I can minister to others. Learning to say "no" is such an important lesson for all ministry leaders to learn. People can be demanding, emotionally draining, and your own sin creeping at the door to take you in your weakest moments. I need to be alone with God to remind myself of his forgiving grace and the death of his Son on my behalf and the power of his resurrection who is the One who lives and interecedes on my behalf. God has to fill me with His Holy Spirit.

Father,
Forgive me for grieving your Spirit. Forgive me for my failures as a leader. Forgive me for not looking to you to be my strength. Thank you for your unfailing love and your faithfulness. Remind me that I am loved by you despite my shortcomings because you sent your Son to be the propitiation for my sins. You command my sins and guilt to be washed away by the blood of your precious Son. Thank you for the gospel.

In Jesus name,
Amen