"Not my will, but your will be done"
Galatians 5:1 For freedom in Chris has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Not my works, but His work
Not my obedience, but His obedience
Not my righteousness, but His righteousness
Not my glory, but His glory
Not my service, but His service
Not my love, but His love
Not my faithlessness, but His faithfulness
Not my sinfulness, but His Sinlessness
Not my works of ministry, but His ministry
Not my perfection, but His perfection
Not slavery, but Liberty
Not WORKS, but FAITH in Jesus Christ alone
I am writing to you, little children,
because r your sins are forgiven for his name's sake.
13 I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know s him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because t you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because u you know the Father.
14 I write to you, fathers,
because you know s him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because t you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.
because r your sins are forgiven for his name's sake.
13 I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know s him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because t you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because u you know the Father.
14 I write to you, fathers,
because you know s him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because t you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.
Sometimes I feel like quitting. I am just overwhelmed with how my walk is suppose to be. There are so many inconsistencies in my life that does not glorify the Lord. Ministry can be rough and take a toll on you. There are so many needs to be met, it is overwhelming. My heart is hurting and broken inside because I struggle with guilt that I am a failure and not leading well. The Lord was a man aquainted with sorrows, yet without sin. I thank him that He did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Lord, would you heal my heart. It's hurting right now. People place such high standards and expectations that I will never seem to live up too. I am a failure, and I am glad that you can use my failures for your glory. Please remove sin in my life. Please remove religious hypocrisy, so that men might glorify my Father who is in heaven. Forgive my iniquity that I would teach sinners and transgressors your way. I pray for your mercy, your cleansing and healing Lord.
I really hate feeling up and down, and unhealthy spiritually. The root causes of spiritual depression is (1) unbelief and (2) unconfessed sin in my life. Psalm 139 teaches me to examine my heart, and ask God to help me forsake any wicked way in me. I have been really burdened with ministry. I am always studying so that I could teach, but I feel like I never have time just to get away and read my bible just for my enjoyment. I come home saturday nights feeling exhausted and all I want to do is not think, and rest. I feel like I'm always serving and it is hard to find rest. I may even think that just because I'm serving, I think I am right with God. God is not going to look at works to be accepted by him, because my works are filthy rags. He is going to look if I trusted his Son and his great salvation.
1. I need to train myself to rest. I got to schedule this and make this a discipline.
Romans 6:14
For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
Jesus Christ has PAID my penalty, and transferred me over to the kingdom of light. He has broken the power of sin in my life. By the Spirit, I will put to the deeds of the flesh. You are either a son of disobedience, leading to death, or you are a son of obedience leading to life eternal. The law condemns us because we are all sinners. But Christ has fulfilled the law through his death on the cross. "He was delivered over to death for ours sins, and was raised to life for our justifaction." Anyone who hopes in Jesus will never be put to shame. What a wonderful Savior I have. What a wonderful God. There is no one like Jesus, and no one who lays down his life for his sheep. Our God stepped into time, into poverty, into humanity, into death, to give us eternity, riches of his glorious grace, and life eternal. Abba, sanctify me by Your Word, teach me to treasure your Word.
1. Contemplation. Contemplate on the goodness of God, or the mercy of God, or the love of God. Be still and try to rest in his presence. Try avoiding all the distractions and meditate on scripture. After meditation, pray, and this leads to worship
2. Interact with the text. Imagine the reactions of Job, try putting myself in their shoes. Imagine hearing Jesus on the mount of olives talking to the disciples. Imagine the emotions that were going on when Jesus wept at the death of Lazurus. Remember the cross.
3. Prayer. Make it a daily discipline.
4. Journaling. Reflect on your thoughts, be honest, and reflect on God's goodness to you.
5. Use the senses and bring into worship. Admire Christian paintings, music, creation, and see the beauty of God.
6. Worship God in all of life and have gospel intentionality.
1. One way to effectively build community is to do this excercise, and share your life story with the community of believers. It helps me be vulnerable, and bring things to light that I am ashamed of. It helps the community show me that I am a weak human in need of grace also, needing the cross of Christ, and his love to comfort and guide me.
2. Build community by doing what I do by myself, WITH OTHERS. Living life with others.
When I get lunch, do it with someone else. When I read, do it with others. When I pump iron, do it with others. Doing the mundane things of life with fellow believers is doing gospel community.
3. Bring unbelievers and they will see what a community looks like.
Everyone has a life story according to my readings in Foundations of Spiritual Formation. Well, lets see how God has been providentally working in my life.
Heritage
1. How have my parents or primary caregivers influenced me?
I love my mom. She is a hard worker. My brother use to go to church in his high school days, and he did share about Jesus from what I remember. My dad was always more of a friend than a dad.
2. Whom did my nuclear family consist of?
Mom, Dad, Anson
3. What was the general atmosphere in my home as I grew up?
Raised by a single mother. Mom was always at work, Dad would always buy me stuff when I hung out with him. Divorce really ruins families.
4.How have my ethnicity and culture played an important role in my life?
Being born in America, I am heavily influenced and shaped by american culture.
5. How has geographical factors influenced me?
I love california. I love the weather. I love the beach.
Heroes
1. Who has influenced me for good? How did they specifically do so?
Jesus Christ-because everyone else has flaws, everyone else is a ultimately a reflection of his beauty. He showed me what love is. He showed me that there will be a friend who will always be there. He taught me that there is meaning in life. He helps overcomes my fears. He shows me that I have purpose here. He loved me when I hated him and ignored him. He forgave me. He gave me a new life and a new family. I have hope in this dark world.
PJ Tibayan-Lived an authentic Christian life and discipled me early in my walk. I admire his genuine love and care for people.
Pastor Alex-Faithful to the Word of God.
2. After whom would I like to model my life? Why?
Jesus! Because His character is the essence of perfection! Moreover, He is love.
3. Who shaped my character or directions in life?
Jesus. Church family. The Word.
High Times
1. What accomplishments have brought me fulfillment or special recognition? How? Why?
Turning professional in the paintball world was a big deal. Magazines, free gear, free travel, the praise of man, a mask that covered all my insecurities of a lost soul.
2.What events or people have brought me great joy?
I cannot deny that my paintball friends have brought me joy. They were a blessing in my life and we shared a common interest. Now the church brings me joy. I can picture little Avi and Bea in my sunday school class. Grandma, who always ask me if I'm hungry. PJ, just a faithful man of God. Uncle Louie for being a "wussie gangster" for Jesus. Many more, but most importantly, Jesus. Renew my passion Lord.
3. At what points in my life did I feel particularly good about life? Why?
Before my conversion, when everyone was loving me because of my paintball skills. The stupid things I would do with my friends and the laughs we shared. When I had a girlfriend, had someone to talk to and hang out with.
After my conversion, knowing that I have been called to a holy life. That I have meaning and purpose in life. That only a infinite God can satisfy this finite heart.
4. When have I made my greatest contributions to life or others? How?
Hmmm? I don't know...only God knows my motives and heaven will reveal the true motives of my heart...I hope I did it for God
Hard times?
1. What incidents in my life are hard to talk about with others? Why?
My broken family. There is so much pain and hurt that has not been dealt with. Only Jesus can solve this problem.
2. Who or what has been a source of pain in my life?
Only one person comes to mind right now, but I will not say. Because of my relationship towards this person, and how this person has affected other people I love.
3.Toward whom do I harbor anger or birtterness? Whom do I struggle to forgive.
The Lord knows.
4. What has brought me great disappointment? Why?
Me. I struggle with knowing my sinfulness. People, because of their sinfulness.
5. Through what injsutices had I had to suffer?
Some people stealing from me. People who told me I would amount to nothing. People who tell me what I am doing in life is not worthwile. Pain of a broken family.
General Questions
1. What do I want to do with life?
Remember the Lord in my days of youth. To know the real presence of God. To finally rest in Jesus and I WISH i would stop looking to broken cisterns when I know in my head that Christ is the only person who can satisfy me.
2. Plans for the future.
I love theology and philosophy. I plan to pursue more education, maybe a wife someday Lord willing. The danger is finding my identity in education, rather than Christ.
Ephesians 3:14-19 14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom w every family [3] in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to x the riches of his glory y he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spiritz in your inner being, 17 a so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being b rooted and c grounded in love, 18 may have strength tod comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and e height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ f that surpasses knowledge, thatg you may be filled with all h the fullness of God. 20 i Now to j him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, k according to the power at work within us, 21 l to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. ALEX MEMORIZE!!!
I long for a deeper relationship with God. I don't want to know God intellectually, but know him from the deepest inner most being of my heart. This takes surrender, relationship building, and quietness before God. Learning to hear his Spirit dwelling in me, leading me to a greater love for Jesus Christ. I want to know the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge and understanding. Here are some helpful thoughts in my readings that have been insightful:
True Spirituality
1. Intellectual knowledge
2. Spirit directed religious experience
3. Pracitcal obedience
"The Puritians knew the truth with their minds, felt the truth in their hearts, and obeyed the truth in their lives." Satisfy Your Soul
How am I doing with God?
It really amazes me how much I ignore God during the day. I get on with school, lunch, homework, that lose consciousness of God throughout the day. I think that I should consecrate school, homework, and all the daily mundane things of life to God as a means to love him more. Teach me to this Lord.
