I need to make a big decision. God, grant me strength, for I am weak. Grant me courage, for I am fearful. Grant me wisdom, for I am foolish. Grant love, for I can become bitter. Grant me love for Your Son with all my heart. You carry my burdens (Matt 11:28-30) so I can carry other's burdens. You lay down your life for me so that I can lay down my life. Apart from you I can do nothing (John 15:5). God, your calling me to do an impossible task, this is only something you can do. Help me lean not on my own understanding, and you will make my paths straight.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

EXALT CHRIST! EXALT CHRIST! EXALT CHRIST! DISPLAY THE BEAUTY OF CHRIST! LIFT UP CHRIST! MAGNIFY CHRIST! WORSHIP CHRIST! EXALT CHRIST! EXALT CHRIST! EXALT CHRIST! MAKE CHRIST KNOWN! MAKE CHRIST SWEET TO THE SOUL! EXALT CHRIST!

I think this is a good start.

Fear not, For I Am with You
Be Not Dismayed, For I Am Your God;
I will strengthen You, I will help You
I will uphold you by my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10)

I preached my first sermon this past sunday. I was terrified. I was scared. How can God use a sinner like me? Does he not know the things that go on within my evil heart? I hate my sin. But I look to the Savior. I look to the One interceding on my behalf. I was so anxious. I didn't know what was going to happen. But during the time, God's grace was sufficient for the task. All I wanted to do on the pulpit was to exalt Christ (Phil. 1:21). I just wanted to shift the focus from humans, to look at Christ and him crucified again. This should be the philosophy of my ministry: to exalt Christ and make him known. God came through by the prayers of the church and me being on my knees throughout the whole week. Before I walked onto the pulpit, I was tellling myself, "Someone is already there. The Holy Spirit is the true minister of the Pulpit." This really comforted me that I am just a vessel. The pulpit belongs to the Holy Spirit. I just have to be faithful to the text and trust God to work on the hearts of people.

I see the danger of pride though...it can be settle. O how I need to be aware of this evil and cast it away in Jesus name. The kind remarks of people can really puff you up in pride. Another princple I should learn from is to deflect attention from myself, to the Savior. Jesus, help me do this! May lal the glamor, fame, and exaltation be directed towards you! Who am I compared to your infinite worth. Impress upon my mind your inifinte worth. Help me see that YOU ARE A BIG GOD, not a small god that is made in our own image!

Thanks for coming through, like you always do. Thank you for your faithfulness. Forgive me for my weak faith Lord. Please take my weakness and display your strength. Take my loaves and multiply them. Help me be a humble servant to you. Help me be found in you, not having a righteousness of my own, but a rightheousness of Christ. In Jesus Name, Amen.

I am so scared, I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Preparing to preach has been an emotional roller coaster for me this week. I have been praying throughout the week that I would rest in Christ. Out of all weeks, I was assigned to preach before my finals week with all the papers and exams. However, I spent most of my time thinking and chewing on my text. I spent all day today preparing my manuscript, but I do not think I will use it tomorrow..because I want to speak from my heart. I'm really nervous and excited at the same time to see what God is going to do tomorrow. I find my comfort in this, that God will be exalted no matter what. God uses even the wicked to exalt Him. For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy" and "I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

Father in Heaven,

I am so nervous. I am actually trembling. I am scared and fearful because of my indwelling sin. You have called me to do a holy task, and I feel so unworthy. Please help me look to Christ, not myself. Please help me to be faithful to Your Word. Help Me trust in the power of your Word. Help me Exalt the Risen Savior. Help me make the people say, "What a Marvelous Saviour!" I pray that your Holy Spirit would give me the right words to use. Help me not rely on my own understanding, but acknwoledge you in all that I do, and you will make my paths straight. Lord, comfort me. Give me peace. I do not want to go up there if your presence will not go with me.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

I am so excited to preach sunday. I have this wierd feeling of nervousness, passion, peace, joy all compiled into one big emotion. I'm preaching on 1 Corinthians 1:18-31. I just want to boast in Christ and Him crucified. I want to glory in the Son of God this weekend. God stir in my heart to exalt your Son. Help me trust your Holy Spirit to work in my heart and the hearts of your people. Help me marvel at your greatness. BE MAGNIFIED!

In Emotionally Healthy Spiritually, the author argues that taking a Sabbath is essential for a healthy spiritual life. I agree. I am always thinking about buidling relationships, finishing papers, paying bills, preparing sermons, reading for school; rather than resting. The author gives four principles:

1. Stop
2. Rest
3. Delight
4. Contemplate

How does this look like in my life? I think ideally my day of rest should be Friday. What refreshes me?

1. Going for a run listening to Keller
2. Being away from people
3. Napping
4. Reading my Bible without any constraints (teaching, homework, sunday school preparation)
5. Having my phone off.
6. Consciously telling myself, everything is going to be OK because God is in control
7. Going to a Bookstore
8. Reading in a Park and playing with the duckies.
9. Meditate in the love of Jesus and refreshing my heart in the gospel.
10. Eating Cheesecake and Reeses Pieces Baskin Robins 10000 calorie sunday
11. Drinking some Boba
12. Listening to Jazz

Lord,
Forgive me for idolizing work and not taking your command seriously to rest. Teach me to practice these things.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Alex: When are you going to become a believer?
Family Member: When you start acting like one.

Alex: What are you going to say before God when you stand before Him?
Family Member: Maybe you did or did not exist? I love your Christ but I hate your Christians.

Thoughts
1. I do need to live a better life in the Home. However, I praise God that Jesus is the One who died for my sins. It is the grace of God that saves me, not my perfection. "For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

2. "Maybe you did or did not exist?"
Maybe God's Response: I gave you Creation, the Sun, the Stars, the Moon, Animals, Human Creativity, Morality, Truth, Goodness, Beauty, my Son, His Resurrection, My Word, my children who were martyred, the apostles, the church, your conscience. It is not a question of evidence, but of unbelief.

3. I love your Christ, I hate your Christians
Jesus: "Then he will answer them saying, "Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it one of the least of these, you did not do it to me" And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." (Matt. 25:45-46)

Soul, are you tired? Look to the One who says my yoke is easy and burden is light. Are you discouraged? Look to the One who was betrayed by his closest friends. Are you weary? Look to the One who became flesh and slept on the boat while the storms raged on. Are you sad? Look to the One who weeped for the sin of the people. Are you suffering? Look to the One who bled and died on the cross. Are you sick? Look to the One who took on our infirmities. Are you discouraged with abuse? Look to the One who was mocked. Are you doubting God's presence? Look to the One who said, "Why have you forsaken me?" for our behalf. Are you lonely? Look to the One who said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Are you hopeless? Look to the Resurrection and the promises of God. Are you incomplete? Look to Jesus who completes you.

My Eyes Need to Be on You Jesus. "It is good to be near the Lord."

I was sitting down to with my mom, aunts, and uncles for dinner; and all of them are bound on the wide road to destruction. Man, this is NOT the life I want to live. We were talking about Vietnam, and the persecution of Christians there because of Communism. They were saying how wicked and dark that place is, and assuring me that I should not go to preach the Word. However, in my heart, there was a glimmer of hope and the reality of Jesus seemed so real as we were having the conversation. They were telling me that I am too idealistic, people will kill me, persecute me, mocke me, and torture me if I talk about religion there. This is scary stuff, but the Lord spoke that we should not fear man who kills the body, but God who can throw both soul and body in hell. I know it sounds crazy, but I want to see the power of God in these dark places. I want to see the power of the resurrection. As were talking about this, I was reminded of the book of Acts and how much Paul suffer for the spread of the gospel.

I need to be prepared to suffer for the gospel.

God, please give me strength and help me be faithful if the time comes. There is no way I can do this in my own strength. It has to be you that gives the strength. I am too weak, cowardly, and scared to do anything myself. In Jesus Name, Amen.

God is so good. In his sovereignty, God placed Emotional Healthy Spirituality in my hands. As I picked up the book, I was hooked. The book really ministered to my heart. I have been so emotionally tired the past two years. Why? Because I have been a human doing rather than a human being. John Calvin argued that true wisdom consists of knowledge of self and knowledge of God. I have been a Martha for the past two years and have not had time to think, reflect, and process. I have been distracted with many things: XL, Family, Youth Leadership, Teaching, Sunday School, Papers, School, etc. God has revealed to me how sinful I really am!! I am such a people-pleaser, thats why I can't say no to things. I masquerade that I am some sort of Super-Christian, when deep down I have not been joyful. Instead, I have been bitter, tired, angry, and discouraged. My family life shows this. God is calling me back to reflection in his love. Lord, lead me as I begin this process of Contemplative Spirituality.

1. Realize and acknowledge the sin in my life: Lying by trying to be outwardly righteous, feelings of anger and resentment. Acknowledge that I am a sinner. "Lord, have mercy upon me a sinner"

2. Rest in the presence of God. I have been a human doing rather being with God. I need time for thoughtful reflection with God.

3. Jesus did not heal everyone. It seems that I am trying to do more than Jesus himself, who was God! How absurd!

4. I have been rushing to finish school and get on with life without enjoying the journey and process. Alex, slow down with school! Slow down with ministry! Do you not believe that God is the one in the saving business?

I have nothing apart from God. There is only One that deserves my true affection, God himself. Countless times I have been forsaken by many people close to me, yet God remains true everytime. Whom do I have in heaven besides thee O Lord? Why would I want to trade you for something infinitely less? Thank you that you remain true while we are untrue. Thank you that you shine in darkness. Thank you for the truth, that comforts me. Thank you for Jesus, who was abandoned, forsaken, betrayed. He went through all the emotions I go through, but more. He was forsaken by the Father so that I might draw near to the Father when men hurt me and despise me. I love you O Lord. Do not forsake me, lest I perish. Break the generational sin. Break the darkness. I pray that I would see your glorious salvation in my life because I trust you.