There have been many singles in our Church seeking advice on how to guard their hearts. I want to give practical principles on what it means to "guard your heart", specifically in relationships with the opposite sex. My wife and I took a walk a couple days ago and came up with this definition on what it means to "guard your heart."
Guarding Your Heart means taking measures not to foster additional emotional and physical attachment to someone who is not your husband or wife.
1. Avoid Physical Touch
I remember when I was single, I would give the girls in our Church "side hugs" because I knew I didn't want to develop any unnecessary physical attraction to someone I knew I was not going to marry. It sounds cheesy, but it helped guard my mind and my emotions from someone who was not my wife.
2. Avoid Intimate Verbal Communication
Singles, don't tell someone "I love you" if they are not your husband or wife. I don't mean "I love you" in the sense of communicating affection for your brother or sister in the Lord like "I love you bro!" or "I love you as a sister in the Lord!"; what I do mean is telling them "I love You" because you can't control your emotions or you want to make the person like you more. I do remember telling Helen "I love you" before we were married, but I believe we were getting ready to get engaged or actually were engaged to be married.
3.Exercise Caution with One on One Time
If you spend time with the opposite sex alone, it is very easy to develop feelings for that person. I am not saying it always wrong to spend time with the opposite alone, but what I am saying is to exercise caution and discernment. You know your own heart. And if it is a person you like, obviously, you will develop feelings for them if you are hanging out with them one on one.
4. Avoid Long Talks On the Phone
People fail to guard their hearts when they talk for long periods of time on the phone with the opposite sex. Long talks does not mean 10 minutes, but hours and even whole nights! I am married and I don't even talk to my wife for 12 complete hours a day!
5. Fantasy/Lust
Another way to guard your heart is to not fantasize about another women/man that is not your husband or wife, especially sexually. It is often a great temptation for men to lust after women and even create sexual fantasies in their own heads (See Matt. 5:27-30). For women, I believe it is a great temptation to picture a perfect or ideal man; a man who will complete all her needs. Let me tell you women, Helen knows that I am not perfect. She just rubs my big belly and makes fun of me when I need nap time. The only perfect man that will complete you is the Lord Jesus.
6. Internet Stalking
If you want to be guarding your heart, don't facebook/twitter/tumblr/instagram stalk the person your attracted too. Don't always be looking at who they are hanging out with, what they are eating, and what they are doing. This is just creepy! Do something productive instead like reading your Bible or spending time with fellow Christians doing something for the glory of God!
7. Keep Busy
Idle time is the devil's time. When I was single, playing professional paintball kept my mind off unnecessary distractions. When I retired from paintball and became a Christian, I spent all my time serving the Lord in ministry. I taught High School Bible Studies and drove kids around trying to build gospel relationships. I also got to complete my Master's Degree in Philosophy and go on a couple of missions trips to Columbia and the Philippines. Singles, maximize your singleness for the glory of God!
8. Get Accountability
Share your struggles with a good brother or sister in the Lord (obviously men with men, women with women). Ask them to pray for you. Ask them for direction. Confess your sins to them. Confess your struggles. Ask them to identify any areas in your life that need changing for the glory of God. Ask them how you can be a better Christian and servant of the Lord!
I hope this is helpful to my single brothers and sisters in the Lord. Trust in the Lord's timing. Maximize your singleness. And if you love Jesus more than anything else, I am sure that God will take care of the rest. Guard your heart! "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23).
